none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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