The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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