god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
