By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
