Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
