if you like me you must not know who I am
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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