I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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