summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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