I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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