Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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