It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
