do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
