didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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