saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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