My room smells like vodka and shame
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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