So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
