why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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