i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
