Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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