Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
