Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
