We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
