Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is Oprah even human
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
