Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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