i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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