I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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