it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
