Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
