Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
