There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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