Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
