dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize