I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
