Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
