i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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