I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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