when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just pynch a tree in the face
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
