You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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