On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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