Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
