Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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