you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
