Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
