What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
