She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize