dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
