Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
