someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
