come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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