hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
